It may seem as though other people stumble upon their dream lives, but the truth is that everything inspiring is layered upon itself through time. Everything is continuously and consciously chosen, over and over again, until it forms into reality.
Brianna Wiest, The Pivot Year
We were told we could be anything we wanted as long as we worked hard and never gave up. We were taken to sports practices, music lessons, karate, art classes, and other extracurricular activities to be seen as well-rounded and more talented than the next person. We were all given a shot at that coveted trophy, but if we couldn’t win, we’d at least receive a medal or certificate just for participating. We just needed to pad our college applications with achievements to show our eagerness to work hard and do it all.
This has distorted our view of success. Many people now experience anxiety, burnout, and a sense of disillusionment because of the disconnect between what we’re expected to do, what we think we should do, and what we actually want to do. If we’re honest, many of us struggle to cope with being thrust into the world without emotional support or mental preparation.
We’re expected to join the workforce, climb the corporate ladder, buy a house, raise the next generation, send them to college, make them ruthlessly competitive, and care for aging parents. Who cares if we’re miserable, exhausted, or feeling trapped?
We think we should change the world, reshape politics, be extraordinary, and solve major crises. If none of these ambitions drive us, we feel guilty and punish ourselves by neglecting self-care, believing we haven’t earned the right to rest.
But what we really want is to focus on what brings us true fulfillment—not fleeting highs or external validation. Many of us have a mental list of what makes us feel alive, but we’re torn between internal desires and external pressures we can’t control.
Our dreams are too big for us. They promise freedom, yet they enslave us. But they aren’t really our own. They are guilt-driven aspirations rooted in fear, social conditioning, and insecurity. We’ve made dreams our masters without mastering them ourselves.
Smaller, more intentional dreams can help. We can’t expect ourselves to build a utopia, make millions before 25, live a “revenge” life to prove doubters wrong, become a CEO, write a bestselling book, cure world hunger, enter politics, and gain millions of followers all at once. In reality, we struggle to do just one of these things. Letting go of these unrealistic fantasies is liberating—it allows us to focus on what we can actually achieve given our time, energy, and resources.
We need to balance thinking before we act and acting before we overthink. We need to develop skills that serve both us and others. We need to find joy in the present instead of postponing it for a future that may never arrive as expected.
The Benefits of Smaller, Fewer Dreams
- You focus on what truly matters.
Since you’re passionate about a few things and set attainable goals that align with your strengths, interests, and ability to contribute, you gain clarity and fulfillment in your pursuits. - You accomplish more by narrowing your focus.
Letting go of unrealistic expectations helps you achieve what’s within reach. Spreading yourself too thin leads to burnout and dissatisfaction. - You have more time to care for your well-being.
You no longer push yourself to exhaustion or sacrifice rest to meet impossible expectations. Letting go of unrealistic ambitions frees up time for self-care and peace of mind. - You feel more secure in who you are.
You prioritize action over empty talk. Instead of boasting about grand plans, you work on meaningful efforts that align with your values, knowing you’re making a difference where it counts. - You detach your self-worth from external validation.
You define success on your own terms and stop seeking approval from others. You recognize that chasing endless goals is often a sign of insecurity, not purpose. - You have more energy and worry less.
Overloading yourself with expectations drains you. By focusing on fewer goals, you reduce stress and free yourself from the fear of failure and judgment. - You take real steps toward achievable dreams.
While others chase vague aspirations that sound impressive but lack substance, you make steady progress on goals that bring you genuine fulfillment. You let go of what’s beyond your control and channel your energy into what truly matters, leading to a more peaceful and rewarding life.
